January 21st, 2011 was any other day, week, year. I worked day to day, paycheck to paycheck, bar to bar, and, even though married, date night to date night. Thrill seeking, going a mile a minute and getting no where. Yet, late that January, I had realized I was ready to get on, grow up, and make myself something. I found out I was with child.
My life was electrified. The news of Liam's heart defect had stricken a cord in heart. It ignited an unflinching drive to make goals. I learned what it'd truly feel like to put someone else before my well being, and to receive the most genuine uninhibited love another human could give.
The news of his defect sent Daniel and I to St. Louis in July 2011. Hot pink hair, barefoot, pregnant, attitude ridden, skull print tee shirt, and worldly beyond words, I moved there for Liam's heart and the amazing hands of doctors who provided the best care for him. On a whim, I applied for school, and awesomely, got accepted.
Starting as a freshman, 7 months pregnant, and absolutely scatterbrained I took my first Anthropology final whist 5 centimeters dialed, demanding my laptop to login to MyGateway/Blackboard at midnight and refusing pain medication until the test was completed. I got a 92%.
It was about this point I realized, "maybe I like this school thing."
Liam's birth gave me a rush of self esteem. I felt, and still do, if I can accomplish childbirth with a medically compromised infant I can do anything, and I am ready to do anything for him to live the happiest life possible.
In 2012, School became an escape from the trials of motherhood. I fell deeply in love with culture differences, comparisons, crime and punishment formulas, abnormal psychology, social norms, and traditions. The more I learned in school, the more fascinating the world became, the more important family and success and stability trumped a mundane life. My father passed away in March. He has seen his grandson once and was proud.
January 2013 was my first taste of the housewife life. While I hate to admit this, I was never meant for this. I love my son and I loved my husband, but it was absolutely impossible to really enjoy this lifestyle. We tried, but it just was not happening. We kept up with the Jones' for long enough. I was miserable with the confinement of not being allowed to really soar.
Meeting Shane in June, 2013 was incredible. It was instant. And while quite turbulent, these have been the best few months of my life.
January 2014. I am sitting on plane inbound to Ireland. Senior in University. Inducted to honor society. Healthy happy 2 year old baby. Gorgeous boyfriend. Good relationship with my ex husband. After all the bad stemmed so much good, and while I will never say I am happy about the sad and serious things, I will admit they have made me stronger - much stronger than that pink haired ex-raver floozie I was back in Southern Illinois.
Cheers to everyone who said I'd never make it anywhere in life. The spite you fostered paid off 10 fold, rendered success and power in an otherwise pushed around, delusional drunk, and taught me what true conviction looks like. What an difference three years can make.
We never know what the future may hold, so it is important to support your fellow human being. You can judge the character of the rich by the way he treats the unknown or poor. I've been on both sides of the table, and the consistent premise of kindness, loyality, forthrightness, and honesty are paramount.
No comments:
Post a Comment